REAL TALK

Legacy of Trauma: It Didn’t Start With You

We repeat what we do not heal. Trauma is like a legacy. Any trauma that happens now is a reflection of another hurt that happened before. Many times even generations before. When we grow up amid trauma and oppression, we do our best to cope. And sometimes that coping...

Trauma Informed as a Way of Being

There’s a lot of talk about being trauma informed. And trainings. I’ve taken a lot of them.
 
By all means, a structured way to learn about common ways people feel safe or unsafe related to specific experiences is important.
 
However, I would caution anyone from getting prescriptive with this kind of information. It’s not simply a laundry list of what to do or not to do – it’s truly a way of being.

Rethinking “No Boundaries”

This past year, I participated in an intensive training called DEEP. DEEP is a fusion of attachment theory, somatic approaches, trauma therapy and depth psychology in an experiential therapeutic approach . And, so much is still sinking in for me.

One of the things I’ve had to rethink in this experience is the idea of having “no boundaries.” We say this a lot – about ourselves, other people, you name it.

Great How?

We say this word all the time.

Great.

And we often assume a positive meaning.

However, in my recent trip to Rome, I was reminded that this word is mainly a qualifier of something else. It implies magnitude, not inherently positivity.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2018

It's almost the end of April - Sexual Assault Awareness Month. And instead of giving facts and figures, I want to speak directly to every person out there who is working hard to overcome this - whether you call it sexual assault, rape, molestation, going too far,...

How to be More of Yourself

In my last blog post, I shared a little back story on how I came to view confidence through this lens of being and experiencing rather than as a thing to have. This post is all about tangible strategies you can practice to lean into and become more of yourself. While...

Unequivocally Herself

I have a few thoughts on confidence.... When I was about 23, my boss came out of a meeting and, with a laugh, said, “Sofia* is unequivocally herself!” At the time, this simple statement stirred up so much in me. I had never heard anyone referred to in this way in my...

Bearing Witness to #MeToo

I’ve been a bit stalled on the writing front for the past few months...and I find it kind of fascinating. For a while I felt bad about not writing. But the more I sat with wondering where my writing mojo went, the more I learned about where some of my writing mojo...

7 Tips on How to Be There for People in Crisis

Like so many, my thoughts are with those affected by Hurricane Harvey. As the catastrophe continues to unfold people are wondering how to help. Offering your home, blood, money, time, effort and positive thoughts are all invaluable. Many are also wondering how to be...

Power Over Versus Power With

As a trauma therapist so much of my work is centered around power. Expanding the idea of power and cultivating personal power. Power Over: The Dominant View of Power Too often, when we think of power, we think of it in terms of power over. Power over resources. Power...

Stress + The 3 Sisters of Your Brain

For better or for worse, when we get stressed out so many of the activities we associate with being human are out of reach. We can’t seem think straight. Or connect the dots between ideas. Focus? SQUIRREL! The inner taskmaster? She’s clocked out for the day. What’s...

Boundaries as Structures for Freedom

Helping clients tune into, create, strengthen and maintain boundaries is a big part of my work. However, we may actually need to reframe the word “boundaries” to be effective at creating them. According to Merriam-Webster, a boundary is “something that indicates or...

Selling Self-Worth

A couple weeks ago, I was having a bún bowl with my pal, Lauren of Hope and Humor Therapy. Between noodle slurps, we got to talking about how many businesses tell you to buy their product as an “investment” in yourself. They might say, “you’re worth it” or “put...

Sorting Your Needs Through Ice Cream Goggles

Sometimes life’s a shithead. Handing us one thing after another. Not letting us catch a break. It becomes hard to keep up with basic things — like laundry. If we were to run a contest to determine the best ways to measure stress, laundry piles would surely be in the...

Resilience through Baby Moments of Connection

From Malta, my partner and I headed to Friuli, the region my partner is from, to visit family and attend a wedding. We had to take two planes to get to the Venice airport. Then it’s about an hour’s drive to his parent’s house. My partner’s brother, sister-in-law,...

5 Parallel Processes of Photography & Psychotherapy

Over the past few days, we have been exploring Malta. Some of the places here are older than the pyramids in Egypt. One of the places we loved is called Mdina (pronounced like you are saying the letter M then dina, not Medina). Mdina is a walled city that was founded...