Women are often sent the message that their anger is not welcome, unacceptable, “unbecoming of a lady.”
Insecurity, like many difficult feelings, is one we often try to banish. However, the more we avoid insecurity, the stronger it tends to grow.
Trauma happens across all lived experiences and you can’t tell who has experienced trauma or not just by looking at someone.
We’ve all had moments of feeling let down when we “got our hopes up” about something.
Sometimes in our attempts to foster healthy relationships we can get a little avoidant of conflict.
The shoulds show up a lot, don’t they? And they make us feel so disempowered.
I often hear clients talk about the not-so-subtle shoulds that loved ones sling their way.
“What does your therapist say?”
“You’re barking up the wrong tree.”
“You just need to get over it.”
“That’s not a very wise choice…remember what happened with so-n-so?”
Oftentimes, this comes from a place of love but feels pretty shitty to be, essentially, told how to live your life.
Defiance often gets a bad rap, but, like many things life, it can actually be a really useful quality.
We all have people in our lives who we’ve internalized to some extent – like parents, mentors, parents of choice, partners, friends, etc. These are called attachment figures. Parents and caregivers will have the strongest role initially in our lives.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – there’s no such thing as tmi in therapy.
Each of us is designed to heal. For example, if you get a little scratch on your arm, you will bleed, but then the blood will clot to create a scab. Your body will also send some inflammation to the scratch to puff up the skin and help close the wound.
By all means, I am not the first person to say this and I definitely won’t be the last. Whether it’s a loss, a trauma, a difficult relationship or experience – healing occurs in spirals
We often get stumped by big feelings.
Feelings that may have been deemed “inappropriate” or “off-limits” during our upbringing.
Feelings that our attachment figures didn’t know what to do with – therefore, we don’t know what to do with them.
Feelings that cultural norms throw shade on.
Culture tells us that emotions make us weak, soft or broken if in abundance. This narrative will have us believe that there is something wrong with us when feeling emotional and it can lead us to disconnect from ourselves.
Everyone is saying to vote right now and I think it’s hard to feel motivated to go vote when our political system is so complex and you might not know where to start.